If there's one thing I've learned during my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer, it's that it changes everything you thought you knew about yourself. I began this experience believing that I'm open minded, flexible, laid back, and culturally aware. How could I possibly be in the Peace Corps and not have those qualities, right? Wrong. Let me elaborate.
I've done quite a bit of traveling in my life, so you would think that I've got cultural sensitivity and awareness down. Negative. A prime example of this occurred during my baranguy's fiesta. Every baranguy has their own fiesta in which their patron saint is celebrated and it is characterized by street dancing, competitions, face painting, and endless amounts of food and alcohol. I was asked to partake in the street dancing competition with all the other teachers at my school, which I gladly accepted. However, I did not realize how long this competition would be, what I would be wearing, or the day's temperature. It was about 3 hours of non-stop dancing, I was wearing a huge, pink mu-mu with feathers on my head, and the humidity was approximately unbearable. I kept telling myself, "Sarah, you are a Peace Corps Volunteer, you can do anything." But, I quickly learned that day that I cannot, in fact, dance for 3 hours in a mu-mu. The dancing is performed throughout the streets while one person holds up the statue of Santo Niño and all the others dance behind it. It was a beautiful cultural experience, which I messed up royally. I decided mid-dance that I needed to either get a bottle of water or pass out in front of hundreds of Filipinos, so I chose to get water. That was a huge mistake. Apparently, it is not only disrespectful for the dancers to stop dancing for the baby Jesus, but it also brings bad luck onto the whole town for the rest of the year, until the next fiesta. I had no idea. So, anything bad that happens in Kalibo from now until January will more than likely be blamed on me. Perfect. Oh, and I also caused my school to lose the competition because I stepped out of formation. I wish I would have chosen to pass out, it would have been less painful.
I cannot recall a time in my life when I did not procrastinate. I always, always tell myself that I will start this project early and not stay up all night frantically trying to finish before the sun comes up. But, I never follow through with that promise. I mean, I wrote the majority of my senior thesis the night before it was due. I'm not sure why I do this to myself, but I also sorta believe that some of my best work has been produced from sheer panic and adrenaline. That's what I tell myself, at least. So, when I was warned during my first few weeks in the Philippines that I could pretty much guarantee that my co-workers would be laid back and that dead lines weren't a real thing here, I was completely fine with it, excited even. Life here definitely runs on island time and it was refreshing, until it wasn't. I eventually got real American and realized that it was going against everything I was ever taught. Waiting 3 weeks for a signature from the district supervisor of your school is not fun. Lesson learned, I am not as laid back as I thought I was. I would love to say that I've magically learned to let go of this hindrance of mine, but I haven't even been here a full year yet and I'm only human, so maybe one day down the line I'll be able to say that. Until then, I will breath very deeply.
Not only am I apparently not laid back or culturally aware, but I'm also not very open-minded. Before you judge me too quickly, answer this question. Have you ever been asked to eat a chicken fetus (multiple times), told you were fat by a stranger, laughed at for attempting to speak an unfamiliar language, have a seance performed on you because you have strep throat, or seen a huge dog locked in a tiny cage for hours on end all in the same day? No? Okay, well I have, and let me tell you, it can cause you to have a bit of resentment towards people. If I were completely open-minded, I would eaten the balut without hesitation, remembered that being called fat here is a compliment, realized that the laughter was due to shock since not many foreigners take the time to learn the language of the country they're visiting, understood that the seance was done out of concern, and told myself that American standards for proper pet care are not universal. But, perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, like I generally am. I may not always see the world with an open mind, like I once thought I did, but I do see it in that way more often than not. It's in the Peace Corps Volunteer job requirement.
I've learned more about myself in the last 9 months than I ever did in my 22 years of life. Actually, it turns out that all that stuff I thought I knew was mostly wrong. It's incredibly overwhelming 100% of the time, which is why it takes a very special person to be in the Peace Corps. But, I honestly believe that I'm turning into the person I was always meant to be, and I owe that to this experience. I won't have it all figured out by the end of my service, at least I hope not because that wouldn't be fun, but I think I'll have a much more accurate picture.
