I'm an over thinker. I always have been and probably always will be. I literally just spent twenty minutes debating with myself if it was okay to end that second sentence with a preposition. So, when asked by a young girl why I was in the Philippines, I of course took about an hour to answer her. While in the process of developing my response, I came up with two answers. The most basic answer is that I am here to teach English. My initial thought was to just tell the girl this. However, there is so much more to my being here than simply teaching. Yes, I will teach, but I will also learn about another culture and its people, I will teach about my own culture, I will grow, I will love, I will try my best to help, and, no matter how much I do, I will probably receive more from my community than I will be able to give in return. The deeper answer to the question of my being in the Philippines is that I am also here to fulfill my own restlessness. Let me explain myself.
I participated in my first international service trip when I was 16 years old, to the town of Trujillo, Honduras. From that moment on, my heart no longer only belonged to me, it also belonged to the people I worked beside and formed relationships with. I left a piece of myself in that community. I returned to that same site the following year and, once again, I left a piece of my heart behind. The next two trips, one to Cante Grande, Peru and the other to Fort Portal, Uganda, were equally awe inspiring and both took portions of my heart. So, over the years, my heart has belonged less to myself, and more to the people all over the world who I have come to love and admire.
Although I am beyond grateful to have met the people I have met and to have experienced the crazy adventures that I have experienced, I can't help but feel a little bitter about what it has done to me. My unique experiences instilled within me a restlessness that, until now, could not be fulfilled. From the day I returned home after my first trip to Honduras to the day I joined the Peace Corps and got on a plane for the Philippines, I have felt restless. This feeling was subdued while I worked in Peru and Uganda, but always submerged again when I went home. The images I saw and the faces of the people I met will never leave my mind or my heart. I think about the man I met in Peru who couldn't walk and the kind hearted physical therapists who trekked up mountains every day to administer his exercises. I frequently think about the smiles of the children at the orphanage in Fort Portal, Uganda, especially little Bennett's; his smile will always be with me. All of the people I have met will forever be imprinted on my heart. As painful as some of these memories are, I wouldn't want it any other way because they are the reason I am now a Peace Corps Volunteer in the Philippines. They are the reason, to answer the little girl's question, I am here.
For the past six years of my life, I have been restless and felt empty. The little voice inside my head that told me there's more to this life never relented. This is all because of the people and memories I have of Honduras, Peru, and Uganda. I have been restless for six years. But now, I finally feel like I'm where I belong, doing exactly what I have always been destined to do.
